Understanding The Batshit Leftist Protesters
We recently witnessed that the mere appearance of a certain popular Republican politician was cause to provoke area leftists to riot, viciously attack people and wantonly destroy property. But we must understand (as the Media clearly does) – none of the violence was the protesters’ fault. It was an organic response to what they view as “hate speech”.
Noted experts tell us the angry progressive protesters really can’t help themselves as their violent reactions are typically the result of an obverse neurocranial-colonorectal insection following the sudden, unexpected exposure to an opposing, though reasonable and rational form of discourse. Those so afflicted call it “hate speech” because they hate that they can’t comprehend the contents.
Bewildered by the unfamiliar and strangely-structured language, they’re like hippies in a bath tub. Logical expectations and linear thinking confuse and disorient them, triggering a Tourette’s like expression of random expletives and, in the absence of a well-provisioned safe space, countless acts of mindless violence.
So we see it’s not their fault they lose control, it’s just their condition. It’s not as if they want to destroy other peoples’ stuff, they are physiologically compelled to do so. We must therefore make rational allowances for their irresistible actions and resulting special needs.
Suggestions only. Your procedures may vary.
- Stay away from them.
- Don’t speak to them.
- Don’t look them in the eye.
- Don’t acknowledge their existence.
- Threaten to shoot them if they come anywhere near your shit.
- Shoot them before they get anywhere near your shit.
- First shell is bird shot, second is bird shot, third is a slug.