This Shows A Dream I Had Where Willie Nelson Freed All The Illegal Immigrant Children From Trump’s Super Evil Torture Camps And Led Them In Happy Songs Out Into The Desert Where They All Died Of Exposure Because He Was Baked.

salvation

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Well I Feel So Much Better Now

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Joe Read About FortNite And Threw A Party

He already had a fort.

But it wasn’t a big turnout. Only one kid came.

She came prepared and got away unharmed, no worries.

fortnite party joe

The Only Thing That’s Changed Is The President – And Of Course The Unbiased Media’s Narrative

The children brought into the USA illegally by their detained parents are extremely well cared for – much better than most of them have experienced at any point in their lives -because we are good people who will never knowingly allow any child to suffer hunger, exposure or fear. Their time in the detention centers is brief – once they have a verified ‘family’ member willing to take them, they are released. They’re not prisoners nor are they charged with any crime.

They are getting exactly what their parents brought them here for. A better life. Paid for by someone else. Our fair and honest Media once portrayed it as such. Now they tell us they’re Gulags. Funny that.

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Here’s Another Reason* I Don’t Swim In Public Pools

Big thanks to MJA at iotwreport for the link! Also her famous icky face girl in the swim cap made me spew coffee. Hilarious. And I’m really sorry

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Gas Bombs. They blame this one on pool chemicals. Oh sure. They say the pool guy mixed muriatic acid and chlorine (which releases chlorine gas that’s very hurtie if we breathe it too much), but all of us here know what really clears a pool, or an office, or the East Room. This wasn’t chlorine gas. This was a point blank, full-strength Moosemallow.

Local coverage:

Several swimmers overcome by the fumes were rushed to the hospital via EMS AirFlight helicopters (billed @ $8ooo/hr). Unfortunately the prop wash from the choppers did not disperse the noxious gasses but only spread their caustic effects over a wider area and so sickened almost everyone present.  City and County HazMat teams are on site and special emergency response squads from the DHS are en route.

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Here is a short video of Muriatic oops! Hydrochloric Acid and Chlorine getting it on like a couple of savages.

*Other reasons I don’t get into public pools:  Poo-Poo Bits, Pee-Pee Everywhere, Mucus Secretions – Liquid, Solid and Semi-Solid, Scabs, Hair, Band Aids with Scabs, Open Wounds, Suppurating Wounds, Infected and Fly-Blown Wounds, Lesions, Tumors, Eye Boogers, Pimples, Menstrual Fluids, Spooge, Lube, Toe Nails, Virulent Bacteria, Phlegm/Lung Butter, Diarrhetic Microbes, Skin, Vomit, Acid Reflux, Methane, Ear Wax and Swim Diapers. And many, many more!

Needless to say, public hot tubs – filled with warm, fecal, seminal soup – are completely off the list as well. For me anyway…I’m psyched out, I admit it.

Nancy Pelosi Speaks Out On Mother-Child Separations

She’s calling for uprisings now.  Story and video here. We quote her in the graphic below, with ironical pointing out of her blithe hypocrisy.

a child separated from its mother

Of course she’s talking about illegal immigrant children, like this poor little dude in a cage. Not the millions of American babies slaughtered yearly as a convenient form of birth control. She defends those separations with all of her heart. Like every other democrat does.acosta

A Couple More On Justine

a pickpocket eh

 

captain merkin

His $20 Million Dollar Ride – Are We There Yet?

not there yet

Our President Was A Little Late To The G7 Women’s Empowerment Breakfast Last Week

The moment he walked into the room, every woman in attendance lost power. Not only did they lose the new empowerment expected from attending the breakfast, they lost whatever other powerments they held previously. He drained it all away.

In fact, the entire coven of internationally sourced elite lesbian leaders for Gender Equity And Justice And Empowerment and Abortion were completely dis-empowered and rendered into soulless, mindlessly willing vegetable glory holes for use in controlling violent prisoners and/or patients. And long haul truckers.

Hallelujah!

womens conf

Dogs Are Barking

snax

Yes, that is a French Poodle and an Alpine St Bernard and a Canadian Husky and a Mexican Chihuahua, all groveling for snacks. And yes, the St Bernard should have been a German Shepherd but Frau Merkel does not resemble a German Shepherd at all. However…

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Anthony Bourdain Ruined My Life

vietnamese penis stir fry

I am sorry to hear he took his own life, I understand he was exhausted from traveling the world, eating culinary masterworks, drinking the finest wines and making ass piles of money. It was a grind. In his 40 year career, he’d battled depression, alcohol and drug abuse, Low-T and 176 different kinds of intestinal parasites leading to incessant, explosive diarrhea, dysentery and other digestive maladies. Close friends estimate that he spent around 5-6 hours of every day shitting. They say he rarely made it to a restroom. The toxins from a Somalian Camel Fetus Pizza he consumed in 2011 nearly killed him. The hump was so humiliating, he withdrew and avoided the public. So I understand his pain and I sincerely hope he rests in peace.

This is actually a very gracious gesture on my part, because the guy totally ruined my culinary career, even though I think he meant well. See, I used to run a roadhouse type restaurant back in the day. We served the usual fare – steaks, chicken, catfish, burgers. We even had a veggie burger on the menu. One of our customers ordered it frequently. We called it Earl’s and it soon became the premier dining spot in the whole county. The Baptist Church bulletin awarded us 5 stars for our Creamed Corn. We were rocking.

earls1

It was a few years later when the world famous chef and author, Anthony Bourdain walked in with his TV crew. They’d heard of us and wanted to do a feature on Earl’s for his show. We were so thrilled and figured this would be our Golden Ticket to the big time.

But Mr Bourdain was unimpressed with our menu. We had no fois gras, no duck eggs, no goat cheese, truffle oil, squid ink…none of the foodstuffs popular in the best restaurants. He was particularly displeased with our complete lack of knowledge concerning flavor-infused foams. This left us all feeling pretty embarrassed and uncool, so we pleaded with the Chef to help elevate our bill of fare. He happily agreed to prepare a new, signature dish that would lift our ratings into Michelin territory. He asked us to provide a wild Boar’s Head and a turnip, then he went out back and gathered a few other resources.

AB

He disappeared into the kitchen, shooed all our staff away and went to work. He travels with all his own cutlery, pots, pans, EVOO and secret herbal ingredients he reveals to no one. 3 hours later he emerged with his new creation, the epitome of Haute Cuisine – Earl’s House Special Hog Snout Tartare. WOW.

snout tartare

The kitchen staff was stunned and amazed by this masterpiece and fell to kiss his feet. He suggested we price the meal at $60.00 in consideration of our uncultured clientele who might not go for it otherwise. We put it on our menu as a full color spread, named it in French (that let us add $15 right there) and waited for the accolades to roll in.

But nobody liked it. Most of our regular customers wouldn’t even order it, saying it looked like “barf” and they already know what barf tastes like. The local paper called it a “dog’s lunch” – but even the dog wouldn’t touch it. One of our internationally-sourced busboys tried it rolled up in a flour tortilla. We think he self-deported, not sure but we never saw him again.

We held out, insisting this was culture and virtue-enhancing food that all the best people eat. We dropped steaks and burgers from the menu completely and replaced them with Saffron Risottos and Shad Roe and Seaweeds and Mushroom Dust…elite foods targeted at elite palates was our new mantra. The unwashed masses could get their Frito Pie and Chili Cheese Fries somewhere else. We were determined to maintain our new status as a progressive and culturally sensitive epicurean destination, with hip new tableware and indecipherable ingredients that taste like sweaty socks. Like it or not, we had evolved.

foam

Again, nobody liked it. Any of it. Turned out, we had no sophisticated palettes to serve. Only “normal” people who like “normal” food. Incurious food cowards with no desire to explore the rancid fermented flavors of other cultures. Closed minded provincials who’ve never crapped a scorpion in their lives. People who like corn dogs and pork n beans but won’t touch pancreas. Backwoods dregs who eat to get “full”.

All because of Anthony Bourdain and that damn hog head. Foodies suck.

The End.

earls

Couple Of Things

Been kind of tired lately. Not posting as much, sorry. I’ll get back at it.

FYI: The ads you see below posts are from WordPress, not me. The only ads I run here are the ones I make up.  I get no revenue from this h’yar site, a’tall.

The annoying cookie popup is also from WP and I’m certain it’s in response to new regs from the Poofs in the EU. I didn’t add it.

More soon. Thanks