Initially Reported As A Terrorist Attack, Riverfront Park Evacuated Following Surprise Elizabeth Warren Rain Dance

Multiple people reportedly suffered minor to severe injuries in the panicked stampede to escape Riverfront Park in Shreveport following an impromptu performance by Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren, wearing nothing but a cloth vagina construction that only partially covered her front side, leaving her backside completely visible to anyone who dared to look.

Most of the injured have been treated and released from care. One victim remains hospitalized in serious condition, suffering from partial paralysis. Merlin LaFleur of Bossier City faces months of physical therapy due to his intense exposure to the Senator’s aged buttocks. (In fact, we are told he glimpsed the anus. Horrible!)  He was seated next to her when she began her ritual and thus bore the brunt of the damage, likely saving others from similar harm.  Making Merlin LaFleur a genuine hero.

terror attack


  1. What, MSNBC was not there with their cameras? So where do I turn to see the video of Fauxchontas’s dance? Infowars, maybe? I’m, like, heartbroken, dude.

  2. Pokahontess might have some serious talent after all the yoga and kegel bell exercises. It might be worth a go.

  3. The entire river district was evacuated and the local hospitals were put on emergence footing for delayed effects of Warren’s exposure. It’s said the grass died for hundreds of feet around at the scene of Warrens dance. The cities mental anguish could last for days. Thank Goodness I was at the LSU game and wasn’t here for the horror my fellow citizens had to endure!

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