Kerry Sustains Third Wound In Switzerland – Automatically Rotated Back To The U.S.


MFNS/ March 31, 2015

Lausanne, Switzerland

Secretary of State John Kerry was pulled out of the Iranian nuclear negotiations on a stretcher today after he was reportedly “bitch-slapped” severely by the Iranian delegation and then de-pantsed. Additionally, his latest injuries mark his third time to be wounded in-theater*, earning him his (world record) sixth self-awarded Purple Heart and a golden ticket back to the States.

Reached by phone aboard his luxury yacht, Teresa’s Purse, Secretary Kerry granted us a few moments during a break from his grueling course of convalescence. “I owe it all to my Good Luck Hat.”, he said, grunting in pain. “CIA guy gave it to me in Cambodia…and it’s never let me down**. It got me out of ‘Nam and now Switzerland. It’s like magic.”

Earlier Today - All Hat And No Cambodia

Earlier Today – All Hat And No Cambodia

*paper cut, atomic wedgie

**2004 does not count. The Magic Hat only gets him out of things.

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10 responses to “Kerry Sustains Third Wound In Switzerland – Automatically Rotated Back To The U.S.

  1. crazyeighter March 31, 2015 at 8:29 pm

    Brian Williams remarked that he’d given his old boonie hat to “some CIA guy in Cambodia”…

  2. GruntOfMonteCristo March 31, 2015 at 8:29 pm

    “Teresa’s Purse.” Hahahahahah!

    • Earl of Taint April 1, 2015 at 7:37 pm

      I wish I had this thing in 2004. I did a bit on Kerry’s changing positions – The Kerry Kama Sutra. Like 12 or 13 pics in the series. Lots of laughs.

  3. Father Paul Lemmen March 31, 2015 at 10:36 pm

    Reblogged this on A Conservative Christian Man.

  4. woodsterman April 2, 2015 at 1:36 pm

    “Who served in Vietnam …”

  5. proofpositiveblog April 2, 2015 at 11:02 pm

    “All Hat and no Cambodia” – I LIKE it!

  6. Steve April 3, 2015 at 6:23 am

    Memories Pizza to Re-open! Nearly $500K raised on their behalf – so far!!

    http://commoncts.blogspot.com/2015/04/leftist-haters-and-bullies-strike-out.html

  7. Bob: (pseudonym for Gene) April 3, 2015 at 9:42 am

    How can I buy some panther piss, ahem dog whiz? There’s no link.

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