The Creepy Big Brother Amazon Algorithms Are Too Damn Intrusive

When a customer orders The Wolf he expects to receive The Wolf, not some insulting (although surprisingly accommodating) System override/ autonomous substitution of whatever product it deems to be more appropriate…for whatever reasons – none of which I can imagine.  It’s a puzzle.  Everybody loves puppies, of course. It’s not the worst swap they could have made, but Puppy simply does not hold the same cache as Wolf. Particularly in the underpants department. Amazon is fired.

puppypants

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He Told Her She Was “His Bitch” And Then He Assaulted Her, Manually

bitch

And The Captain Of The Titanic Never Saw The Iceberg

Roger Goodell is an institutional idiot.  Game attendance and viewership is declining. Merchandise sales are dropping. Advertisers are grumbling. All while he encourages the players to continue their vacuous ‘social justice’ horseshit for the benefit of the people paying hundreds of dollars for a ticket to one damn game, a cold hotdog and a warm beer.

Now he demands a raise. He needs his ass kicked. Jerry Jones is a greedy, avaricious billionaire and an alpha level competitor. I couldn’t care less that he’s ‘losing’ money, but he sure cares about it, like a duck on a bug. I wouldn’t want him on my ass.

I’m still not watching Dancing With The Felons, btw. But it continues to piss me off.

jjgoodell

 

An Obvious Distinction

meaning of let

This Made Me Laugh Out Loud

May be old – I’d never seen it.

sammich

You Must Follow The Rules As You Have Established Them…Right Mitch?

alf

Your Mom Will Tell You – Guys Like Him Are Only After One Thing

When Mitch was 22, his wife was 10. True fact. The pervy old bastard.

mitch

Would You Play?

Scratch the right face and win a billion. There are lesser prizes among the other faces – 48 total, along with coupons for free small drinks and or fries from your local StopNGo, so every card is a winner!

congo

Now Playing In Tweedletown – Don’t Go!

Theatrical production sponsored by The Washington Post. “Democracy Dies When We Lies.”

Snore snore.  There’s Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. Their extra-tall cousin Tweedle Doo and the Lord High Mayor, Tweedle Dick running the show. About nothing. Yaaawn. Lots of attempts at acting, none successful. The musical numbers are flatter than granny’s paps but the scenery and costumes are welcome diversions. We’re hoping it closes soon and everyone in it goes to prison for life.

This Puppet Show is a complete fail. One Half Star.

puppet theater

Sneak Peak At Confirmed Obama Presidential LieBarry Permanent Exhibit

The Mom Jeans:

jeans

And we showed you this one last year:

redline

They Really Are Much Yummier This Year

The massive, triggering LOSE of 2017 seems to have infused them with a unique flavoring, something we haven’t seen for some time. The strong bite of stale sandalwood, aged patchouli and rancid B.O. are all in there, just like always.

But this year’s crop has something extra…we detect the sharp, spicy, piquant tang of spent unicorn gas along with a savory, salty sense of futility that only excretes from the most fearful and trembling of glands. Lab tests have shown that this year’s herd scored 100% positive for the condition so we know it’s in the entire batch.

Also the very obvious addition of weed. Lots of weed. Really high quality weed. And it is rather amazing how much it improves the overall flavor. Of everything, honestly.

Get yours before they’re all gone.

best ever

 

 

 

There Goes Joe!

On a suggestion sent in by pun-loving reader Pam B – thanks Pam! We are always up for another one with Unca J.  And thanks to all who send ideas. We make some work, others we fail at, sorry. Please keep them coming. All are read and appreciated.

joe bidet