Category Archives: Uncategorized

Media Powerhouse Adds New Joe Show

MFNS WORLD HQS – SHREVEPOTE, LOOZIANNA/ January 31, 2015

- Earl of Taint/ MFNS

Middle Finger News Service, LLC (MFNS) one of the world’s largest and most admired media conglomerates announced today the addition of a new science reality show to their spring prime time cable lineup. Hosted by Vice President Joe Biden, each hour long episode will demonstrate the laws of nature as they impact our lives in everyday situations. Appearing as “Uncle Joe”, the ever-affable and proto-clueless Biden had previewers rolling in the aisles as he explains basic forces like gravity, resistance, fluid dynamics, energy/friction/heat and the physics of maple syrup in the context of walking, hitting your head, hair restoration and swimming naked with the grandkids.

joe_science

 

**(UPDATE) We were able to meet for a brief moment with MFNS founder and CEO, Diogenes Sarcastica as she was vacuuming-up the piles of cash scattered over the plush alpaca wool carpeting of her showcase office suite atop MFNS Tower. Awarded the title “World’s Hottest Founder And CEO” for the 2nd year in a row by the peer-reviewed scholarly journal “Hot Founder And CEO Quarterly”, as published by The Taint Collective for the Study of Hotness in Founders and CEOs, the stunning Ms Sarcastica denied any acquaintance with us, refused to speak to us about the show, berated us for drooling on her carpet and money, then had us roughly escorted from the building by her personal security team. Phone calls to her office have not been returned.

MFNS CEO SECURITY TEAM SIX

MFNS CEO SECURITY TEAM SIX

***(UPDATED UPDATE) While this would normally wound us deeply, we feel certain it is just a matter of mistaken identity. Once we convince the boss we are who we say we are, we have no doubt she’ll ask us in for coffee and baguettes bigenets bagnuts those little powdered donuts. Not that we’re needy here but this is kind of embarrassing. A little affirmation and approval, that’s all we ask. Répondez s’il vous plaît?

Them there little bean-yay thingies

 

Believe It Or Not, This Is A Thing

Gwyneth Paltrow steam-cleans her drapes soggy old vagina for energy.

Someone ought to lock up the licensing quick. Dipshits have money too.

steamer

 

Journolists Daily Briefing

With the Editor in Chief…

journolists

Donors Line Up For Hillary

donor

Same Person, Right?

jebillary

WH Bedwetter* All Wee-Weed-Up About Bibi: “He Spit In Our Face!”

*Valerie Jarrett.

“There Will Be A Price.”

a price

I’m Gonna Remake This Movie

shawshank_rejection

GOP Senators Volunteer To Perform Delicate Eye Surgery On Harry Reid

In risky procedure, the optic nerve in question can only be approached from the posterior side of the eye.

harry's eye surgery

Ol’ Flat Balls, Yep.

(I’m not watching his lyin’ ass, fyi.)

From a pic and idea sended in by my doublegood pal the Grunt. Hope I caught the essence of the man. Not Grunt, Obama.

tub timeOops!

Wrong pic. Maybe next year!

Below is this year’s SOTU preview. Better late than never.

sotu

The Nincompope

This Pope’s cheese done slid a little ways off his cracker, seems to me. His own operating manual says the entire universe will be rolled up and throwed away, or words to that effect. But he wants my ass bicycling to work and back to take stress off the environment that’s getting destroyed by God any-damn-way? I don’ thin’ so, Popo.

nincompope

Click through for the full size. Apologies for the lettering, my staff typesetter maid is off for MLK Day.

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