EARL OF TAINT

Hosting an appearance by Gloria Esteban recently, the skagged-out has been comedian Kathy Griffin lifted her dress on stage, revealing her vermin-infested nether regions to the audience and her shocked guest star. Several minor injuries were reported in the general stampede from the front rows to the exits.

Griffin describes the event as liberating. “I’ve never shown my bugs in public before because I was afraid what people might think. But this is who I am. Those disgusting filth-carriers are a part of me I cannot deny any longer. From now on I am proud to say I am a TransFested Woman.”

Aside from her own liberation, it turns out her vermin have a knack for show business as well. “Yes, it’s been just amazing! I lift my dress and they all just scatter out like a pestilent little Chorus Line! And they’re smart too – I’m training them now. First up is the zombie dance from Thriller and we’ve just started development on a number where they descend from my crotch on little ropes like a cockroach Circ de Soleil!

Needless to say, an act like this doesn’t play well in Peoria. “No, no shows in the States. Americans don’t get me. Because they’re all dumb stupid rednecks, Haw! But we pack them in throughout the Third World. Would you believe there are places in this world where conditions like mine are considered a sign of royalty? The people there flock to see me! Yes, it’s true most of them pay in taro root but the exchange rates are favorable so with one or two handjobs at the border, I make out like a bandit!”

With that the interview ended. A line, made up almost entirely of human beings, was forming at her trailer and she scurried off to greet them. Senorita Kathy Griffin y su Horda Vaginal appears nightly at El Ristoranto De Juan Rochas/ La Ciudad de la Cabron de Tres Penes.