Like this one, for example. I might have had a little too much lemonade. I don’t remember.
Anyway y’all can help me out by watching for obvious signs of stroke and/or eruliaf niarb that might appear in the toons, or elsewhere. Just drop me a heads-up like “Earl, your shit looks retarded!” and I will call 191 from here. Things You!
Nah, not really. He’s a just another wormy sack of shit politician who’ll do anything to hold his voter base. It’s no surprise.
Trigger warning?? You saw the headline, get real.
(EoT/MFNS) In a stunning revelation, a series of photos have surfaced today on the World Wide Web that claim to depict a young Bernie Sanders swimming naked and sexually harassing a young female reveler at the Woodstock music, sex and drugs festival in 1960s upstate New York somewhere. We’ve chosen to display only the first photo as the others depict (allegedly) Sanders masturbating to orgasm against the woman’s flotation device and as such are unsuitable for posting on a family oriented site.
A word of caution for our most delicate viewers: This picture shows Bernie’s penis. It is small, flaccid and completely non-threatening to most adults. You may however want to avert your eyes at this point.
We apologize for the graphic frontal nudity.We only allow it to confirm the man in the photo (reported to be Senator Bernie Sanders) is Jewish.
We’ll see what the Boss thinks. I think it’s a real attention-getter.
I hate to bring this to you but it’s real news so I gotta. I’m as sad about it as anyone, but I swore an oath I think. Sorry.
A White House statement just released explains the President “felt assaulted and threatened by the turkey’s Whiteness and its stale, jingoistic, patrimonious, heteronormative establishment as an icon of the traditional Anglo-American celebration of the social and cultural oppression and subjugation of the Native Peoples and he understandably snapped and, acting fully within his authority as Chief Executive, he took it out like Bin Laden.”
Update: I failed to credit faithful reader PhilO for the inspiration on this one. Thanks Phil!
click to see the large version
The camera, she don’t lie. On the left, the former Secretary of State looking radiant as usual at a recent meet and greet. On the right, coming out of the bathroom at an undisclosed location.
Once again, we need to stress that, as semi-professional journalists we are sworn to inform the public, regardless of the potential (but not inevitable) damage it may do to anyone’s eyes and/or mental faculties. The few actual occurrences of such we acknowledge and regret immensely but you still can’t sue us for it. Also turning to stone – that’s not on us. Take it up with the campaign. Viewing here is strictly at your own risk. So there.
Ed: Our recently deceased MFNS photographer managed to upload this shot before he met his demise. His camera has not been found and his death has been ruled a suicide…though the coroner was at a loss to explain how he got the iron curtain rod so far up his own ass, without assistance. They say it was nearly in his throat…gag-ola, right? Over the objections of outraged and incredulous friends and family members, the final determination ruled he must have backed into it. He will be greatly missed.
*Also we have an opening on the Hillary beat, if anyone knows anyone looking.
I mean, all things considered, explaining The Donald to the kids ought to be a cakewalk.
That’s Rosie’s actual tweeted dialog right there.
Anyway begin the explanation with “Mommy started it”.
Trump had pardoned a beauty pageant contestant and argued she was worthy of a second chance. Rosie spoke up on The View with her objection to the notion of Trump as a moral role model. Among her comments that day:
And then Trump fired back, calling her fat. And it was on. Timeline detailed here, if you care to know it.
MFNS 7.19.2015/ On the Democratic Campaign Trail
In my role as the Semi-Professional Journalist At Large for the MFNS Worldwide Media Empire I attended a recent Dem fundraiser and managed to sneak myself backstage and into Hillary’s dressing room. I could only upload one shot before her security droids activated, forcing me to run for my life.
Luckily, for all of us, she was already dressed.
The Bots Went Red On Me.
UPDATE: I got into Trump’s dressing room too.
A Tremendous Honor from the Mothership
My Media Credentials
