WELCOME TO THE RIGHTLY GUIDED:

Earl of Taint/MFNS Filed June 7, 2014

Washington, D.C.

Fleeing violent crime and poverty in their home cities, tens of thousands of Americans have fled to other parts of America, overwhelming local resources to the point that those cities have begun busing their new arrivals to the nation’s capital and dumping them on the South Lawn of the White House. To deal with the sudden influx, the Obama administration has requested Congress provide $300 billion in emergency funding for food, housing, healthcare, resettlement costs, employment training and legal fees. As per typical government projections, close to half the funds are expected to disappear into thin air, with no accounting whatsoever.

“We view this as an urgent humanitarian situation,” said an administration spokespoodle “even though a lot of these refugees are just plain old white people who could be utilizing their privilege to get back on top, we still see them as human beings, essentially. And the urgency is for the funding, not the actual relief. We’ll stretch that out for years.”