Tag Archives: china

Piglips’ Very Bad Day

pooh and piggie

The Powerful, Unbreakable Bonds Of Love* Between A Father And His Son

*Around 3 billion dollars in foreign cash to board member Joe-Boy Hunter’s slush fund corps. Powerful and unbreakable. Can You Feel the Love?

hunter

FLOTUS’ China Vacation: Haggling With The Local Merchants

The Chinese drive a hard bargain.

chinese deli

China Vacation Pic 4: BREAKING – – AIR QUALITY EMERGENCY – –

(MFNS CHINA) We were all setup and ready to get pictures of FLOTUS as she came into town for lunch but the smog became really thick, obscuring our view. We hung out a few hours waiting for her to finish but the visibility was still so poor, we knew it was pointless to even try to get a shot. Then a major sewer line broke.

We report this not because we have official confirmation of the facts but the foul stench was so immediate and overwhelming, there could be no other rational possibility of its source. As of this writing 7 persons have required hospitalization and dozens of other have been treated at the scene.  Injuries include scorched lungs, chemically-peeled sinuses and temporary blindness, though the majority of victims complain only of intense nausea and an extreme aversion to ever eating food again.

At this time, Chinese officials have not ruled out terrorism and the investigation is ongoing. US officials assure us FLOTUS was never in any danger though some members of her Secret Service detail were reportedly found passed out in the restaurant, just now.

china smog

The Educational Side Of FLOTUS’ China Vacation

The White House released this example of the educational materials made available to Teachers and Students who are tracking FLOTUS and her family on their journey through China. Note how they cleverly tie objects of scholarly study to the day-to-day activities of the First Lady and her entourage. This makes learning more fun!

It also enables the Obamas to charge the entire tab to the U.S. taxpayers. This makes traveling more fun!

flotus great wall

China Vacation Pic 2

We heard FLOTUS would be visiting a panda preserve so we went undercover in our home-made bear suits. Not only did they wave us right in, they also escorted us to the same compound where Mrs Obama had stopped for lunch with her group. Unfortunately we were again only able to upload one photo before things went south.

panda

What happened was my local guide, Dung, had a pocketful of mixed flavor Jolly Ranchers. Best I can figure, that particular combination of aromas produced a powerful pheromone-type scent which triggered an intense reproductive urge in the panda bears. I lost my phone in the ensuing melee but was able to flee as the pandas ignored me. They were going at Dung like rabbits. FLOTUS got the Jolly Ranchers.

Poor Dung. Next time no shorts, dumbass!

pandasuits

More to come! Probably.

We Got One Shot Uploaded Before They Took Our Phones.

FLOTUS Chinese Vacation is closed to the press. That won’t stop us. As soon as we get back in the country we’ll send more!

flotus china buffet

“NO PHOTO ARROWD!”

 

All You Can Eat Chinese Buffets Well-Stocked In Advance Of FLOTUS Visit

Only makes sense. It’s the Chinese Year Of The Horse and she eats like one.

horsemoose

Heads Up For The People Of China…FLOTUS Is Coming

Just keep your distance and you should be fine.

Here’s good advice from the State Dept:

flotus in china

Makes It So Much Easier To Get Things Done

more like china

Syria Is About To Blow, China and Russia Thumb Their Noses At Us And Our President Unicorn Is Back To Lowering The Oceans

Priorities.

obama lowering the seas

click to view it full size

Who says Government can’t create jobs?

It created this one in China:

china job