UPDATE: We’re now hearing the CNN host has been released unharmed. As yet, no one has been able to chart his current location as he is well out of both cell range and GPS coverage. The last report indicated he may have been pushed out into the void of Space. Officials say they are now scanning the cosmos with high power telescopes in the hope they can detect his personal gravity wobble as he approaches or passes other celestial objects. Sadly, the outlook for rescue is bleak, as the survival rate in a vacuum is considered to be quite low.
EARL OF TAINT 
Stelter wouldn’t go quietly…. he would demand a rectal probe!
I’m thinking it will go down like “The Ransom of Red Chief”.
Geezus, was the voting thingy up top abducted as well?
Never mind, there it is.