After many hours of costly, painstaking research our team of experts has isolated the serious contenders from the kooks and crackpots to bring you the current individuals we consider most likely to win the next nomination for the Democratic-Socialist-Collectivist-Inclusionist-Safe-Space Party of the United (Blue) States of California-America and Aztlan.
Of course it is early and many more candidates will appear – and disappear – over the coming year but below we have assembled a group of 30 prominent, seriously assnifficant progtardians who all have expressed a desire to run against our favorite President in 2020.
So, heads up. This is what’s coming. And there’s no doubt about it, we’ll be going against their best. Take a look. (click for largest non-lethal size image)
(L-R) Top Row: Triggered Senior, Battered Granny, Weasel Face, Horse/Shovel/Potato Face, Castro brother-(the gay one), Shameless Huckster, Spartacus, Oprah, Avenatti, Beelzebub
Center Row: Gilleland, Harris, Dude that runs StarBucks, Pennywise, Pennystupid, Little-Brain-Like-Rabbit, Rob Reiner, Beto, “Socks” Baldwin, Cher
Bottom Row: Bette Midler, Genderqueer Non-Binary /?/ Creature, Terry Rat-Face Mcauliffe, The deadly gaseous Mexican Tamale Monster, Andrew Gillum, Big Mike Bloomberg, Kathy Griffin (aka “Mona Yeastah”) John Kasich, Tom Steyer, Jeff Fluke