I Tried To Pitch A New Holiday Character But Nobody’s Buying It

They say she doesn’t have warmth or charm, like Frosty or Rudolph or The Grinch.

I said “Hey! She won the popular vote!”  But no takers. So I struck out, again.

Now back to the drawing board…

Bernie the Humpbacked Hermit Crab?

Liz the Red-Faced Notasquaw?

Nancy and her Big Stupid Titties?

Schittzie The Bug-Eyed Diseased Pig Uterus?

Anybody have another one?


10 responses to “I Tried To Pitch A New Holiday Character But Nobody’s Buying It

  1. bluesjunky December 20, 2018 at 9:12 pm

    Bubba’s eyeballin’ it…

  2. willy December 20, 2018 at 9:42 pm

    Alexandria the short bus reindeer

  3. Diogenes Sarcastica December 21, 2018 at 12:40 am

    Chucky The Ball-less Holiday Weasel.
    He runs around making nonsensical noises to the delight of all the Chilrens

  4. SafeSpace December 21, 2018 at 7:53 am

    Hillary may have the requisite red nose, but if she’s given the lead position on Santa’s sleigh, the poor widdle kiddies will be terrified.

  5. Mac December 21, 2018 at 8:27 am

    Yeah, how about Michelle The Yellow Yeti? Have you seen that photo of Michelle in the candy yellow dress and the ghetto glitter thigh-high boots, leering down at Sarah Jessica Parker? Looks like Predator homing in on its next meal.

  6. Lee Van Queef II December 21, 2018 at 12:05 pm

    Any chimera monster that doesn’t capture her direct association to Satan is inaccurate.

    A syphilitic jackal or hyena, it has to be a scavenger, with its head spinning around and spewing chunky bile is a start.

    Nothing cute or fuzzy about Beastcunt.

    • Earl of Taint December 23, 2018 at 6:53 am

      A baby syphilitic hyena would be cute. At least to its mama. But your point is valid. We were trying to keep it on the Christmas-y side. Adding Satan would likely cost us viewers. Just a numbers thing.


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