I Tried To Pitch A New Holiday Character But Nobody’s Buying It

They say she doesn’t have warmth or charm, like Frosty or Rudolph or The Grinch.

I said “Hey! She won the popular vote!”  But no takers. So I struck out, again.

Now back to the drawing board…

Bernie the Humpbacked Hermit Crab?

Liz the Red-Faced Notasquaw?

Nancy and her Big Stupid Titties?

Schittzie The Bug-Eyed Diseased Pig Uterus?

Anybody have another one?



  1. Hillary may have the requisite red nose, but if she’s given the lead position on Santa’s sleigh, the poor widdle kiddies will be terrified.

  2. Yeah, how about Michelle The Yellow Yeti? Have you seen that photo of Michelle in the candy yellow dress and the ghetto glitter thigh-high boots, leering down at Sarah Jessica Parker? Looks like Predator homing in on its next meal.

  3. Any chimera monster that doesn’t capture her direct association to Satan is inaccurate.

    A syphilitic jackal or hyena, it has to be a scavenger, with its head spinning around and spewing chunky bile is a start.

    Nothing cute or fuzzy about Beastcunt.

    1. A baby syphilitic hyena would be cute. At least to its mama. But your point is valid. We were trying to keep it on the Christmas-y side. Adding Satan would likely cost us viewers. Just a numbers thing.

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