What Makes Life Worth Living?

I keep seeing pieces that tell me I’m risking my life by eating, drinking, smoking, breathing, touching, kissing and – with blind luck – intercoursing something that some expert says is potentially fatal to me.  The advice is pure nonsense, of course. If were true, I would have died long before I was born.

Regardless, I’m not trading my incredibly tasty (mmm…dat fat) Texas-Style Barbecue for your fake MexiCali Hummus Ribs just to earn an extra 10 years of wearing diapers in the retirement home. I have no interest in that deal. I’ll check out early and leave more for you.

live forever


  1. Medical experts have announced this year that high cholesterol is not really harmful, that an aspirin a day does absolutely nothing for heart health, and that each of us will die at the end of our lifespans. All these statements contradict dire warnings given out mere years earlier.

  2. A moderate amount of alcohol every day can be beneficial because it activates plasmin in the blood which dissolves those stray clots that can cause heart attacks and stroke.

  3. Anal sex with a Haitian homo undergoing a transfusion with blood from a dead congolese ebola victim is detrimental to your health.

    So long as you are aware of that.

    Carry on.

  4. A life devoid of sex, alcohol, and tobacco; will help you live longer. BUT..it will seem like an eternity, and be no fun at all.

  5. Reminds me of a few years back. There was something called the “Scarsdale Diet”. Supposed to improve your health; make you loose weight and all that. There was a popular saying back then, “You don’t live longer on the Scarsdale Diet; it just SEEMS like it!”

  6. The oldest surviving WWII Veteran died recently. He was 112 years old! He claimed that his key to living a long life was a couple of shots of bourbon a day and a half dozen cigars. Must’ve done something right. How many non-smoking teetotalers live to 112?

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