Health Dept Advisory: Avoid Restaurants With Gay Cooks – Because We Do Know Where Their Hands Have Been

The substance causing random, recurrent pathogenic discolorations on the hands, arms, lips and chins of all male staff at The Red Anus has been clinically identified as recently applied human defecate stainage. Some of the most durable stains will require a full replacement cycle of all dermal layers to disappear completely. Meaning they remain as active vectors of life-threatening diseases for possibly months.

As such, all employees with the stains described above must wear gloves.




  1. I was going to make a joke about how tender the steaks are at the above eating establishment, but then I remembered it’s not proper for a genteel Southern Lady to make jokes about beating your meat.

    1. I foot raced a chicken once when I was a kid and I won. Mom wasn’t pleased with my choice of words so she made me go to Vacation Bible School.

  2. What’s Cheffie making there, Earl? Little pastries shaped like scrotums? Gnocchi with creme sauce?

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