Big thanks to MJA at iotwreport for the link! Also her famous icky face girl in the swim cap made me spew coffee. Hilarious. And I’m really sorry
Gas Bombs. They blame this one on pool chemicals. Oh sure. They say the pool guy mixed muriatic acid and chlorine (which releases chlorine gas that’s very hurtie if we breathe it too much), but all of us here know what really clears a pool, or an office, or the East Room. This wasn’t chlorine gas. This was a point blank, full-strength Moosemallow.
Several swimmers overcome by the fumes were rushed to the hospital via EMS AirFlight helicopters (billed @ $8ooo/hr). Unfortunately the prop wash from the choppers did not disperse the noxious gasses but only spread their caustic effects over a wider area and so sickened almost everyone present. City and County HazMat teams are on site and special emergency response squads from the DHS are en route.
Here is a short video of
Muriatic oops! Hydrochloric Acid and Chlorine getting it on like a couple of savages.
*Other reasons I don’t get into public pools: Poo-Poo Bits, Pee-Pee Everywhere, Mucus Secretions – Liquid, Solid and Semi-Solid, Scabs, Hair, Band Aids with Scabs, Open Wounds, Suppurating Wounds, Infected and Fly-Blown Wounds, Lesions, Tumors, Eye Boogers, Pimples, Menstrual Fluids, Spooge, Lube, Toe Nails, Virulent Bacteria, Phlegm/Lung Butter, Diarrhetic Microbes, Skin, Vomit, Acid Reflux, Methane, Ear Wax and Swim Diapers. And many, many more!
Needless to say, public hot tubs – filled with warm, fecal, seminal soup – are completely off the list as well. For me anyway…I’m psyched out, I admit it.