Here’s Another Reason* I Don’t Swim In Public Pools

Big thanks to MJA at iotwreport for the link! Also her famous icky face girl in the swim cap made me spew coffee. Hilarious. And I’m really sorry


Gas Bombs. They blame this one on pool chemicals. Oh sure. They say the pool guy mixed muriatic acid and chlorine (which releases chlorine gas that’s very hurtie if we breathe it too much), but all of us here know what really clears a pool, or an office, or the East Room. This wasn’t chlorine gas. This was a point blank, full-strength Moosemallow.

Local coverage:

Several swimmers overcome by the fumes were rushed to the hospital via EMS AirFlight helicopters (billed @ $8ooo/hr). Unfortunately the prop wash from the choppers did not disperse the noxious gasses but only spread their caustic effects over a wider area and so sickened almost everyone present.  City and County HazMat teams are on site and special emergency response squads from the DHS are en route.


Here is a short video of Muriatic oops! Hydrochloric Acid and Chlorine getting it on like a couple of savages.

*Other reasons I don’t get into public pools:  Poo-Poo Bits, Pee-Pee Everywhere, Mucus Secretions – Liquid, Solid and Semi-Solid, Scabs, Hair, Band Aids with Scabs, Open Wounds, Suppurating Wounds, Infected and Fly-Blown Wounds, Lesions, Tumors, Eye Boogers, Pimples, Menstrual Fluids, Spooge, Lube, Toe Nails, Virulent Bacteria, Phlegm/Lung Butter, Diarrhetic Microbes, Skin, Vomit, Acid Reflux, Methane, Ear Wax and Swim Diapers. And many, many more!

Needless to say, public hot tubs – filled with warm, fecal, seminal soup – are completely off the list as well. For me anyway…I’m psyched out, I admit it.


  1. DAYYYYYYUM. How did I ever survive through all those years as a youth to grow up.

  2. Back in the early 60’s (yeah, I’m an old SOB) we used to go to the public pool but damn, they were the strictest bunch of Nazis you ever wanted to meet. none of this, none of that, 1 warning and then you were kicked out. Best cheeseburgers in the world at the snack bar though. You couldn’t get me in a public pool now to save my life. Hell, after reading Earl’s list I want to go to the ER for a booster shot…..

    1. Thanks for telling us about the cheeseburgers. Key information there. I’ll be thinking about the cheeseburgers at the snack bar back in the early 60’s. LOVE that information.

  3. I heard that magilla’s favorite poet is Spiro Keats! If I were ever in a public pool and magilla’s Secret Service detail arrived I’d vamanos el quicko… don’t want her/it chucking poo around!

  4. I worked at a local motel as a desk clerk and we had an indoor pool and hot tubs and had three cameras pointed in the pool area and one lens had a zoom feature. Well what I saw on the monitor at the front desk cured me of ever sitting my large backside in a hot tub or do my impersonation of a bull walrus in the pool, what sick and scummy people are when in the presence of Walmart or a pool…

  5. Shouldn’t the wookie’s foam finger have a 2 on it to announce the Lincoln logs it is laying?

  6. Nuthin’ like the ole turd in the pool to bring a good laugh and a refresher on why to stay out.

  7. I’m surprised you didn’t show “blue” around the wookie a la the Adam Sandler movie.

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