Monthly Archives: November 2017

A Spiritual And Physical Connection To The Land

Hillary discovers hers in the California desert.

(Don’t worry – we’re not showing the photo of her connection to the Joshua trees.)

Here’s her commune with a Boulder.

boulder hillary

And the Crack.

crackhillary

 

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Explosive Accusation Emerges From Hillary Clinton’s Past

After all these years, I must set aside my fears to step up and expose this person for what she is. And I have rock solid proof, look:

abuse

To this very day, I can’t be in the same room with an open can of tuna. I’ll projectile vomit, on account of she scarred me.

Holiday Public Service Continued

We’re pretty well done with our required commitment to community service by supporting this non profit group, below. We could add more, just because we believe in this movement. If successfully executed, we could calm a shit ton of whiny bitchy screechy SJW types down, big time.  But normal people need to step up and do some serious volunteer groping, to get the ball rolling. So let’s go everybody!

(I can’t do it because I’ll throw up, guaranteed. You younger folks can fortify yourselves with beer goggles and so on. I’ll do the photoshops. Thanks!)

uv

He’s 88 And Still Chasing Girls. That’s Pretty Damn Iconic To Me

I have no love for the guy, whatsoever. He’s a liberal Democrat, enough said. But I do have to give props to the stamina.

As an homage, I’ve put him in Hef’s smoking jacket. He’s earned it.

As for Charlie Rose…

conyers

He reminds me of Dr Smith from Lost in Space. Remember that one? One of my favorite shows as a kid. Imagine if Charlie had played that role. Wait, you don’t have to – I did it for you, look:

lost in space

 

So They Want A Pie Fight?

The so-called Professional Media is pathetic. Now they’re all chasing around to find the stock photo that they claim Sarah Sanders posted on Twitter, saying she’d made it herself.  Because if they can prove she is lying about this pie, Trump gets impeached or something. The sad, pathetic losers and fake-newsers.

sarahs pie

It’s All Over Now

However, we have discovered a little-known but highly interesting pie contest that was held in Washington DC recently, featuring entries from several notable politicians and political celebrities.  In the context of the press’ obsession with Sarah Sanders perfectly normal (and undoubtedly delicious) Southern Pecan Pie, we’ve brought you three remarkable recipes from three leading Democrat women, that we find more worthy of national attention. First up, from Elizabeth Fauxcahontas Warren, her teepee’s favorite:

elizabeths pie

Next, we have former FLOTUS Michelle Obama’s entry. She says it’s one of her favorite comfort foods of all time. And don’t worry, this recipe scales up easily to feed a crowd.

michelles pie

Last, this classic favorite was entered at the last minute by former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.  It’s a quick and easy dessert, perfect for any occasion but it’s her go-to for the Holiday Season, during which she will serve it continuously.

hillarys pie

Now y’all leave Sarah alone.  We love her to pieces.  Don’t make us kick your asses over it.

Initially Reported As A Terrorist Attack, Riverfront Park Evacuated Following Surprise Elizabeth Warren Rain Dance

Multiple people reportedly suffered minor to severe injuries in the panicked stampede to escape Riverfront Park in Shreveport following an impromptu performance by Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren, wearing nothing but a cloth vagina construction that only partially covered her front side, leaving her backside completely visible to anyone who dared to look.

Most of the injured have been treated and released from care. One victim remains hospitalized in serious condition, suffering from partial paralysis. Merlin LaFleur of Bossier City faces months of physical therapy due to his intense exposure to the Senator’s aged buttocks. (In fact, we are told he glimpsed the anus. Horrible!)  He was seated next to her when she began her ritual and thus bore the brunt of the damage, likely saving others from similar harm.  Making Merlin LaFleur a genuine hero.

terror attack

“Excrete My Heart At Wounded Knee”

Well that’s that.

no thanks

It’s A Scary Town – Full Of Clowns

Taking his turn in the spotlight, leading Democratic Representative John Conyers (Forever) of Michigan is featured in the primary role of the Democrats’ latest Better Wages – Better Jobs – You Better Let Me Feel It sexual assault production of 2017!

grab IT

Colin Paperdick Tells Us That Police Summarily Execute Men-Of-Color On Sight. So What Happened In Texas?

With the most heartfelt respect and condolences to Trooper Allen’s wife, family and fellow officers following his tragic murder by fugitive criminal Dabrett Black; we’re left wondering why he failed to follow the standing nationwide law enforcement policy which, according to Colin and his friends, allows him full legal clearance to shoot black men indiscriminately, without thought or pause?

Why did he turn his back on Black, to walk back to his patrol car? This allowed a cowardly miscreant the opportunity to pull a weapon and shoot Allen multiple times from behind.  Why risk his life, when he could have preemptively put his killer down like the feral dogs all black men are officially sanctioned as and assumed to be?  This makes NO sense when viewed through the Woke AF lens of Paperdick Thought. Somebody needs to ask Colin to explain this, as it contradicts his entire occupationally destructive Manifesto.

Cop Lives Matter

While You Were Shopping – A National Punami Rages

Most reporters don’t ever think of these angles. We think it’s one of the things that sets us apart. The fact is, there is always a dirty side to life…we look for that side first. And then we share that dirty side with you. You get the hole whole story, not just the clean, shiny side. And you have our word, we’ll never change (unless we’re dead).

brown friday

Chupacabra carcass courtesy Scooter Van Neuter / Big Hairy News

Our Choice For Our FCC Holiday Public Service Requirement.

It’s a mandatory program required to renew our broadcasting license every year, but it’s also our chance to give back to the community by helping those less fortunate than most of us, here at Christmastime.

This year we’ve selected an organization working to help a surprisingly large number of needy people, who go largely unnoticed mostly because they are extremely hard to look at. Mostly products of unwise couplings between two unfortunately featured people, (both unquestionably under the influence of alcohol and/or mind-altering drugs as evidenced by the outcome of their coital engagement), but also a large segment of otherwise visually-normative people who have just gotten too old to resist gravity and became all soft, soggy and thus irredeemably disqualified for consideration of any physical contact ever.  These poor souls go months, years, even decades without the slightest leer, brush-by or feel of anything, from anyone.

Well it’s not fair that only younger, more fortunate and attractive people get hit on, stared at, suggested to, manhandled, felt up. fingered, fondled and you-know-whatted. Nasty looking people need an occasional goose, too.

#UNFELT is #UNFAIR

So we’re adopting this group for the Holidays, all free of charge – it’s our gift and it’s good enough for the Government. We’d like to encourage all of our younger, hotter and more sexually permissive readers to take pause during this busy Season and give a little crotch grab to someone you find utterly repulsive. (Then run like hell so they don’t get the wrong idea. And yes – always wear gloves) You’ll make their day and build up some bonus karma points for yourself.

Here’s National Chairwoman, Rosa DeLauro in the #UNFELT is #UNFAIR official brochure:

unfelt

Click the picture to enlarge – the Rosas will open in a big, brand new window, just for you.

 

Sure They Pay Sky High Taxes But They Get These Super Fantastic Government Services

Homeless people in California’s larger cities don’t have enough public restrooms available, at all hours of the day. So they crap on the sidewalks, leaving toxic pathogens behind to infect others with their various strains of Hepatitis and other crud, killing some of them.  So to avoid a public health emergency, the cities are steam cleaning and disinfecting the sidewalks.  And planning to build more public restrooms, so then the homeless will stop behaving like feral animals. Or not.

Wouldn’t it cost a shit pile less to make the crap weasels that make the mess clean and disinfect the places they choose to poop on? As part of a chain gang, maybe?  We’d pay someone to supervise and put a boot in their ass if they do it wrong. House them in prison camps until they’re done. Feed them dog food. Why not? This shit here is insane.

CALIPOO