Monthly Archives: September 2017

Real News

You’ll see none of these stories mentioned in the Mainstream Media.  You have to come here to see this kind of Truth.

glob

Update:

The former First Lady was verified as ‘beached’ by USCG spotters and our initial report was filed on the basis of the Coast Guard advisory.  However on closer examination of the wire photos and interviews with local witnesses, we now realize she was actually grubbing the beach for mollusks, shellfish and possibly choice cuts of Wagyu beef.  She had merely come ashore to feed and was later observed waddling back into the ocean where she breached once – to air blow a sharply loud and obnoxiously pungent/acrid methane bomb (as per local accounts, all eyes downwind were watering, just prior to the waves of vomiting) – and swam contentedly away.  There were a few dead fish observed floating in her wake and locals claim a flock of seagulls that flew through the methane cloud all fell from the sky into the surf, shortly after exiting the gaseous airspace.

exflotus

 

Parents Can Be So Embarrassing Sometimes

Poor DACA kids.

daca

What’s The Point Of Showing These Things?

They’re “provocative”?

Ahem.  You have a REAL one.  Show that.  You’ll provoke like all get out.

illogical

Sounds Like They’re Dead Broke Again

It’s Good To See She’s Picked Herself Back Up

That’s the way we’ll get to see her get knocked back down.

kathyg

So Long Harvey – Some Of Us Only Saw Your Good Side

Rain, in August, in Texas, is always welcome. But we’d rather not get it all in one weekend.

harvey

She’ll Be Just Fine

She thought Houston was fitty miles below sea level

Her presentation to Congress is shown below.  They required her to get some tests.  Turns out she has an object embedded in her brain which most likely occurred at some point in her youth.  Doctors say there is little chance of removing the object without causing a  further loss of control over most of her bodily functions… and that’s a risk nobody is willing to take.  So they’re just going to leave it be and let her get back to representing the thoughts and feelings of the people in her district so perfectly, as always.

Great news, indeed.

she be just fine

sea-level

Rep Jackson-Lee requests we mention the graphic for her presentation was created by her artist granddaughter Trulivia (11) with an extra illustration by grandson DeKonte (5) who couldn’t draw a hurricane so he did a dragon.

On This Day In History

Behold, a most formidable foe.  Only cold weather can stop them.  And if they ever get those tiny little coat mills operational, it’s all over.

fireants2

This is an actual photo of the ‘floating balls of fire ants’ in Texas, as mentioned in the news. Just fyi  This occurs throughout the South, not just here.

Aid Org Quickly Retracts Earlier Reports Of No Additional Food Donations Needed

Officials rushed to inform the Media that some previous announcements had falsely stated that further donations of food items to local shelters were no longer necessary.

Those announcements had, in fact, stirred up a good measure of tension in the aid camps and residents reacted quite strongly, resulting in a few minor scuffles with aid workers and volunteers.

Best we can tell, the main issue isn’t that the shelter has no food available but that some residents were expecting an upgrade over the food they already have at home. One outspoken refugee gave us her account:

“Back in the shelters after Katrina, oh man we ate like Kings. Crawfish Etoufee, Gumbo, Redfish, you name it.  Here it’s Spam, Ramen Noodles and motherf***in’ Spaghettios??  Frankly we expect better from a name brand Refuge, in this day and age. They’ve lost our business and we won’t be back.”

redplus

Always Look On The Bright Side

The individual stories of heroism and thoughtful actions – throughout the Harvey weather disaster – are too numerous to mention.  This one really got to us though.

rockport

She didn’t have to outrun the shark, she only had to outrun her Fetus

Antifa Man O’ War Sails Into Houston

Of course they have a Navy. The proud vessel pictured below is the Flagship of their vast nautical fleet.  Apparently, our recent coverage of ongoing Nazi activity has alerted them to the the presence of their arch-enemies (ie; pretty much anyone) in Houston and they have sent a rapid attack force to, in the words of their press release:

“…Defend All Communities Of Colors from the hateful, oppressive and perversely privileged ACT of rich white people playing like they’re Helping Victims Solely Out Of Kindness And Concern when they’re really hateful racist Nazi warpigs, handing out disease-ridden blankets and tainted food to the poor victims of this watery purge.”

antifa navy

Note the hastily mounted Scatapult. Clearly, this is a ship of war.

The Birth Of A Protest Movement – Here Comes Antipantifa

This came to us via vigilant reader and dedicated citizen Edsss (nom de plume).  We are always grateful for any hot tips from our followers, please keep them coming. (and remember, you’ll get a coupon for $2.00 off selected store brand frozen entrees – for every suggestion sent!)

The pardon granted to former Maricopa County AZ Sheriff Joe Arpaio by President Trump has ignited a firestorm of anger from Progressives, who believe the former Sheriff should be executed for being white.  The visual icon of the newly formed Movement To Kill Sheriff Joe’s Old White Ass will be the infamous Pink Panties issued to inmates in the former sheriff’s Arizona “Tent City” jail.  MTKSJOWA protesters will all don the pink unders (in their own stylish and creative ways!) to signal their collective outrage at the blatantly racist symbolism of forcing people of color to wear under-garments hued like a white woman’s labiatus vulvatimus.

pardon joe

“They’re visually definitive, like the Pussy Hats yes, but ours have an opening in front so it’s easy to put your face through. People are wearing them in lots of different ways, which only proves we’re so much more clever and creative at stuff like this.”

 

Then that other shoe drops…

arpaio