Houston Update


Whelp.  We’ve come under fire in the comments today.  We stand accused…quite sharply and profanely I must say…of “making shit up” in regards to our likely award-winning photojournalistical operetta on the recent flooding in Houston.  Making Shit Up. The very idea.

The. Very. Idea.

We are appalled, to say the least.  As semi-professional auxiliary journalists – every single one of us here (at the EOT Imagination Inflammation Sensation) are perfectly-seasoned with months of experience in crafting the newstruth for our viewers. The one accusation that cuts the closest to our hearts is a charge of Dishonesty in our coverage of current events.  Nothing (yes, paternity claims are bad too but not typically considered as being professionally deadly) could ruin our reputations as completely as charges of lying, or even worse – fabricating the news from thin air.

So we’ll offer here, as further evidence of our honest and forthright quest for Truth, more photos depicting the News As It Really Is.  Nasty, icky and smelly news – with no shiny Network polish or Big Cable Zesty Lefty facade.  Straight Up and Raw. For the People.  You take a look then tell us we’re Making Shit Up.  We dare you, Haters.

houston2

Sorry.  We guess this isn’t a WW2 German U-Boat that surfaced in Houston yesterday. We’re just making shit up, we’re told.  Not like you’ll see this on any of the networks, oh no. Much too toxic for their sensibilities.  Well, we’re here to help expose the emergent White Supremacist menace that surrounds us – hidden just beneath the surface – and we won’t be silenced.  We’re here to Fight Nazis!  Whose side are you on??

rain barrel

This gentleman demonstrates the traditional plastic bag poncho as still used by his people back in Peru.  The clever construction dates to the ancient Incas.  All cargo held on his shoulders remains warm and dry, while the outside concavitous surface funnels copious amounts of rainwater down his back, rinsing his ass with no extra effort, as he travels.  Excess rinse water is then captured for drinking.  Ingenious.

This man cannot find his mother. She has Alzheimer’s and a history of running away. Anyone with information is urged to call the Sheriff’s Help Hotline . Thank you.

mom

whasaburger

The Take Out window got taken out.

Reports of Obvious Insurance Scams Emerge – All Seniors Advised To Be Aware

depends

Look. This is why they have a Customer Service Hotline.  Call it!

Finally, our Top Story Tonight.

No one is covering it because no one ever thought it could be a problem, until now. But there is a genuine disaster in the making, down in storm-battered Houston. Exposure to driving rains and hurricane force winds have cost tens of thousands of women, men and woman-men their natural and artificial hair pieces, wigs and weaves.  The replacement costs will be staggering.

But the real danger has only just become apparent.  The sodden, wind-blown extensions are draining into one low-lying area of town, in overwhelming numbers.  Sanitation crews cannot keep up with recovery and the excess do’s are clumping together into impenetrable mats, many infested with venomous creatures. Local Task Forces are working on a comprehensive plan of action but short term are shooting the weaves from helicopters.

flooded weave

snakeweave

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7 responses to “Houston Update

  1. Mike a.k.a. Proof August 31, 2017 at 1:03 am

    Come clean! You moonlight at CNN, don’t you?

  2. Wingman August 31, 2017 at 6:59 am

    I was looking for Noah’s Ark, after all he was an Admiral in the Confederate Navy.

  3. papabear1950 August 31, 2017 at 2:45 pm

    I just don’t know why more attention isn’t being given to magilla obama and the contribution she made donating space in the stadium of her namesake… the HougeAss Trodome, and while we’re on the subject, why weren’t the Indians given credit when Katrina hit and people got sheltered in the Sioux Perdome?

  4. Mike a.k.a. Proof August 31, 2017 at 5:57 pm

    Earl, I gotta warn ya! I just saw that top photo at another site and somebody done Photoshopped the U-boat clean out of it! I’m tellin’ ya it’s hard to trust the Internet these days!!

    • Earl of Taint September 2, 2017 at 3:34 pm

      Thanks Mike. I’ve seen the same thing. I suppose they’re trying to avoid panic – or trouble. It’s a lot harder than just showing the honest truth, I can attest to that.

  5. Hardnox August 31, 2017 at 7:34 pm

    That’s some funny shit, Earl. Keep your powder dry. You might need it soon by the looks of things.

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