Monthly Archives: April 2017

No Contest – The Single Best Thing About Trump’s First 100 Days As President Is The Media Clown Car Derby It Created

100 days

click the picture to enjoy the full-sized file. it won’t can’t shouldn’t normally hurt you.

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In Kim Jongoon’s Rocket Program There Is No Tolerance For Error – Failure Will Be Punished!

Just not quite as harshly as before. He had to stop executing them because after blowing up so many rockets he began to run out of scientists. Now we have this shocking exclusive photograph from our contact inside North Korea that shows us the alternative penalty for failure to launch.

(The line below in italics is the caption as supplied by our source along with the photo. We don’t write about the angry voltage of the people around here. Especially not in the ass. House rule. )

anal tasings in north korea

 

I Smell Varmint Poontang

dickey mouse

Kim Jongoon – Rocket Master

Dems Remain Puzzled As To Root Causes Of Their Recent Defeats

selling

Breaking – Exclusive MFNS Special Report On The Possible Connection Between American Airlines Small But Cocky Customer Service Berserker And His/Her Alleged Modeling For Adult Themed Gag Products That Shame Those Who Are Short, Fat, Bald-Headed And Practically Dickless.

I can’t take full credit for this but I did assert in a previous post that I was searching for images of ‘love dolls’ but only in support of a breaking story I knew was coming. Because I’m a team player, that’s why.  I found the same inflatable product image my informant had described to me and found the AA Sawed-Off Nazi image on the web. The picture of the ejection itself is from someone over at Corporate/HQ who plucked it off the wire and shared it with my inside source who also happened to be an invited guest at a bawdy, ladies-only celebration of impending nuptials, where the “Midget Man” inflatable ‘love doll’ was part of the featured entertainment.  My informant immediately made the connection between the AA Ass-wipe in the news and the tiny-penised blow-up porn gag doll from the party and shared it all with me. You can judge for yourselves but we will stand by our reporting.

aa

An Amazing Discovery – Culturally Speaking – We’re All Adults Here

As I googled for a picture of a “love doll” (for possible use in support of an important news report I’ll likely be filing maybe later), what I expected was something like what we called “Judy Dolls” back in the day. The incredibly fake, inflatable things with the donut hole mouth and conical ‘breasts’.  But wow…my goodness there’s an entire universe of makers and sellers and collectors of extremely life-like dolls out there. And they are made intentionally and on purpose to serve as sex dolls. Anatomically correct with generous capacity in all 3 preferred locations – and never any complaints, never any tears! No demands, wants or needs of any kind. They remain youthful, silently submissive and mindlessly willing – forever…

A-hem.  Yes they have “skin” that feels like artificial bait, but they look so freaking real, don’t they? Stunningly real, many of them. They are prohibitively expensive – as much as ten grand* up front for a top-line custom model – but in the long run, possibly far lower than the actual cost of ownership for an actual human wife. I’d guess you could easily have 17 or 18 of these for less total expense than 1 moderately frugal wife and 2 mildly productive children.

(*Do not go crazy on a wardrobe of clothes and accessories. Are you taking it out on the town? You’re trying to make a good impression?…what? You’re having sex with a silicone sleeve and that’s best kept private. Good advice for the prudent doller. You do as you want.)

Many pics we found.  Provocatively lifelike. mostly.  The Third World lags predictably behind. Click to see the slideshow

It Makes Perfect Sense That Earth Day Speakers Are Required To Be As Dumb As Dirt

They have to relate to their audience, after all.

billnye_the_bsguy

NORKS

Thank you to Lisa the Infidelic One for the links!

We just knew they were all fakes…

bogus

Some of these recipes fit the currently popular “Paleo” diets perfectly:

cookbook

My youngest brought these home from school on Book Days. Pretty funny stuff if you’re 9. Or stuck on 9, like me.

kim jong underpants

The Incessant Pain And Itch Of Demorrhoids

Thank You MJA For The Link!  IOTWReport.com

It’s a permanent affliction. You’re never rid of them.

demorrhoids

It Doesn’t Take Much To Get The Libs Excited These Days

WordPress is not allowing me to link the full pic.

vault