Mysterious Malady Strikes Sedona Arizona

The majestic sandstone pinnacles of the Arizona desert have stood tall and proud for millenia. Now some unknown event has made them as flaccid as boiled spaghetti and leading scientists are scrambling to discover the reason why. Early assessments ascribed a period of cold showers as the likely culprit, however the current warmer temps have resulted in no resolution of rigidity. The root cause remains a mystery.

Once deemed sacred ground by First American shamans and priests, the earliest inhabitants held to a legend that foretold the fall of the Big Honking Spirit Staffs following the arrival of the sexually-repellent entity known to them as Kooh-Kooh-Nooh-Key-Ho or Packs-Pebbles-In-The-Pussy-Woman. And as crazy as that sounds, it’s as likely an explanation as anything science has to offer us today.

Meanwhile efforts are ongoing to restore the towers to their former upright stature. Highly skilled professionals from the Handlers and Erectors Union are en route from Reno and Vegas while top shelf lube and tissue techs are already on site, slathering everything up for the hoisting, pulling, tugging, jerking and jacking to come in the morning.


10 responses to “Mysterious Malady Strikes Sedona Arizona

  1. DeplorableMe November 21, 2016 at 12:20 am

    Hey, Lena Dunham: your 15 minutes of fame was up a couple years ago. Nobody, (and I mean NOBODY) gives a shit about what you think or how you feel….. So go crawl back under the turd from which you came from and resume your well-deserved obscurity.

  2. Papabear November 21, 2016 at 9:49 am

    Lena’s brother used to complain that when she entered the room where he was playing with his Erector Set the whole thing would go flaccid. She used to be a bartender and NOBODY could get a “stiff drink”! Nymphomaniacs were instantly cured by looking at her in the nude. Conversely, Hugh Hefner did a photo shoot of her for “Bovine Monthly” and turned queer for 6 weeks.

  3. GruntOfMonteCristo November 21, 2016 at 2:56 pm

    That’s just genius. Don’t know how you did it, graphically, but it’s *good*.

  4. jw burns November 21, 2016 at 5:39 pm

    Great graphics EoT. She ended her vision quest after she realized that the winds in the sacred canyons were saying GTFO. Word around here is that a coyote pissed on her leg. I had to go up to Sedona just to step over the bodies at Whole Foods. They were just clutching their chai and staring into some point in deep space.

  5. SafeSpace November 21, 2016 at 7:32 pm

    Hmmmm…. This photo reminds me of Anthony Weiner when he learned his Twitter account had been hacked…. Or of Bill Clinton when the Lolita Express ran low on JP4 and had to make an unplanned landing at an airfield in Somalia.

  6. SafeSpace November 21, 2016 at 7:34 pm

    Oh, and that photo of Miz Dunham: Was the A380 able to get off the ground with her aboard? Did she have to pay a surcharge for the extra weight she was packing?

  7. Pistol Pete November 22, 2016 at 6:17 am

    if you have an erection lasting four hours,whip out that picture.You’ll never have that problem again.


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