Monthly Archives: November 2016
The majestic sandstone pinnacles of the Arizona desert have stood tall and proud for millenia. Now some unknown event has made them as flaccid as boiled spaghetti and leading scientists are scrambling to discover the reason why. Early assessments ascribed a period of cold showers as the likely culprit, however the current warmer temps have resulted in no resolution of rigidity. The root cause remains a mystery.
Once deemed sacred ground by First American shamans and priests, the earliest inhabitants held to a legend that foretold the fall of the Big Honking Spirit Staffs following the arrival of the sexually-repellent entity known to them as Kooh-Kooh-Nooh-Key-Ho or Packs-Pebbles-In-The-Pussy-Woman. And as crazy as that sounds, it’s as likely an explanation as anything science has to offer us today.
Meanwhile efforts are ongoing to restore the towers to their former upright stature. Highly skilled professionals from the Handlers and Erectors Union are en route from Reno and Vegas while top shelf lube and tissue techs are already on site, slathering everything up for the hoisting, pulling, tugging, jerking and jacking to come in the morning.
Sales are through the roof – and we have at least 4 years to ride this dragon. We just closed a mega deal with the largest sponsors and organizers of urban unrest and collectivist drivel that puts 85% of the East and West coast protest puppet market right in our wheelhouse. We’re also in talks with Disney and Macy’s. We’re opening European and Asian plants next Spring.
And we know who to thank for this amazing demand for our giant protest puppets.
Thank You President Donald Trump – You Truly Are Making America Great Again!
The Icelandic (snicker) Phallological Museum, home to the world’s largest collection of genuine, actual dicks.
Good riddance to THE most shitfaced lying sack of greezy, filthy garbage on the planet.