Mister Saturday Night


I spent the better part of Sat night and Sunday morning barfing. When I wasn’t barfing I was drenched in sweat. Changed my t-shirt 6 times. Slept in a recliner in my man cave/garage because the in home AC was freezing me at 78. Couldn’t keep any liquids down and had no appetite for food. Barfed up my meds. Had a persistant abdominal pain – it wouldn’t let up. That’s why I call it persistent.

Went to the ER and got right in, amazingly. My BP was 225/112 so that helped expedite me. I was dehydrated. They gave me Dilaudid and 2 liters of precious bodily fluids and a CAT scan of my pelvic components – I waited patiently while they fetched the longer lens. We were done in 5 minutes. Go ahead and laugh…I was near death but ha-ha-ha.

So the Doc came in after and said I have Killary Stones attacking my kidneys. That bitch! The very idea! So I says “Let’s get those Ho’s out of there!” But he says I can push them out eventually…by myself. Through. My. Johnson. The dear sweet appendage to which I offer daily love and affection will, someday soon, be gnawed at by nasty little rocks with huge overbites. He gave me paper funnels with screens in the bottom, so I might catch the little peterorites as they exit my inflamed urethra. He gave me 4. Perhaps I’m supposed to rinse them out for re-use? My hope is the Drug Store has them by the box, so I can keep them at my desk.

Well anyway, I’m feeling much better now and thought I’d let everyone know I’m not yet dead. Because I’m not, yet.

hillary stone

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18 responses to “Mister Saturday Night

  1. bluesjunky July 24, 2016 at 7:59 pm

    On the bright side, you’ll get more Dilaudid once you start passin’ that fat ass outta Mr. Johnson…

  2. poppajoe49 July 24, 2016 at 8:16 pm

    Welcome to the club Earl. I’ve passed kidney stones a couple of times. They’re no fun at all.
    I have heard that making a tea out of Chanca Piedra will help break them down and make them smaller and easier to pass. I found out about it after the last time I passed a stone, so I can’t vouch for it, but I know others that swear by it. Look it up on Amazon.
    https://www.amazon.com/s?ie=UTF8&page=1&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Achanca%20piedra

  3. crazyeighter July 24, 2016 at 8:17 pm

    Try to stay semi-lucid; this is gonna be a week of prime material for your blogging. Hope they come out quick and smooth.

  4. GruntOfMonteCristo July 24, 2016 at 9:22 pm

    Whoa. Sorry about that toothy bitch, Earl! She’s a pain in the gut, all right. Hope you do better soon.

  5. Diogenes July 24, 2016 at 9:53 pm

    Sorry to hear of your bout with stones, sweetie. ♥ I know the pain gall stones, but didn’t have one of those “Mr Johnson ” you speak of to help me out. Hope ya feel better real soon!

  6. FrozenPatriot July 25, 2016 at 7:36 am

    I passed my first at 21 just as cankles was leaving the white house “dead broke and in debt.” Perhaps they’re making a resurging as she gets closer to making her grand reentrance as our new billionaire queen…

    Drink as much liquid as you can, then drink a little more. You don’t want to run out of steam when that little bastard is half way to freedom, like I did…

  7. Papabear July 25, 2016 at 8:49 am

    Earl, One thing for sure… when someone disputes whether you “have the stones…”, there will be empirical evidence that you DO! I’m not sure, but with your “RX” list, and all the advancements happening in Colorado, you may want to investigate the availability of “dick-weed”. Sounds like it may offer respite from your malady.

  8. Gene July 25, 2016 at 2:49 pm

    off topic… up on the banner you left off the mirror down low on the walker.

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