We proudly announce the first major endorsement of the Earnald Taint for President campaign. Divinely inspired, beautifully stated, utterly flawless and destined to become a well-studied touchstone of persuasive political prose, this official endorsement serves to legitimatize our campaign as legitimate and really real. And we are honored beyond description. Other than that we’re kind of bored with the whole thing.
EARL OF TAINT 
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If there’s anything I’ve learned over my many many years is if you want the ladies to notice you, you have to wear your wallet on your sleeve.
So Earl…ole buddy ole pal…you got a cabinet position in mind for your favorite piece of shit?
Definitely a key appointment, doing nothing. Like the others. But yes, you’re in there somewhere.