Last Minute Gift Ideas For The Retards On Your List

As we’re marketing solely to Retards, you folks probably haven’t seen these ads before now. We just received another shipment of this hot new toy and it’s flying off the shelves almost as fast as the Star Wars stuff. Well so it occurred to us to offer it to our conservative readers who might need a fitting gift for the social and mental misfits in their own families or maybe something to donate to the local collective toy drive. Because we know you’d never purchase such a thing for any decent child you care for in the slightest, we’re offering this remarkable toy to you at our cost. That’s right, only $4.34 each and that includes ground shipping to any address in the continental United States. Alaskans, Pacific Islanders and all residents of US Territories are too much trouble so they can fuck off.

Use the code IMNOTATARD at checkout to receive your automatic sanity discount. Have A Very Merry Christmas!

Oh and I almost forgot to credit devoted reader SteveK for sending the original idea. Thanks dude!

snowflake warrior grrl
Click to view the full spread. (Kindly excuse the mis-aligned binding. This is the last time we source the print production from Mexico.)


  1. “micro-aggressed, subliminally repressed” – as a woman this whole piece just SMH. Kinda makes me want grab one of my leather brief cases from the shelf, pull out of the mothballs one of the beautiful suits I used to wear which despite their conservative flair were often worn with the six inch, red, CFM heels! Friday’s only of course! And I gotta tell you, the items not included in kit??? Gonna realllllly get some “women” riled there Earl but where’s the gold framed lifetime membership to PP card?
    PS – this might be one of your best pieces yet.

  2. Excellent work, you killed it, as usual. You are truly talented, sir. Thanx for the mention.


  3. I’m pissed. Earl’s Bait & Gift are all out of Somali snow globes. I knew I shouldn’t
    have waited. Guess I’ll have to settle for Snowflake to send my Senator. Lindsey
    will love it.

  4. For those who suffer from “cracker guilt”, does it come as “Charcoal Warrior Ho”, so they can buy it and allay the perception they hate “africoon-americoons”?

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