by Earl of Taint/ MFNS
GENEVA/Yo-de-lay-ee-oh! — Secretariat of State John F. Kerry cut short a scheduled week-long overseas trip Sunday to return home after suffering injuries during an early-morning bicycling accident near this Swiss city.
A spokesman said Kerry, 71, broke his right femur, near the site of prior hip replacement surgery, a portion of his face, near the site of prior cosmetic surgery and suffered deep trauma wounds to his genitalia, which may be attributable to a recent round of negotiations in Turkey. No one else was involved in the accident, which occurred when Kerry hit a curb with his bicycle.
As the injuries are deemed as occurring in service to the country, Kerry has awarded himself three additional Purple Heart medals, bringing his total count to a world record 26.