Secretary Of State John F Kerry Injured In Cycling Accident – Rotates Back To The States Again


Photo taken seconds before impact.

Photo taken seconds before impact.

A large piece of SecState John Kerry's face lies in the street following his accident.

A large piece of SecState John Kerry’s face remains in the street, following his accident Sunday morning.

by Earl of Taint/ MFNS

Secretariat of State John F. Kerry cut short a scheduled week-long overseas trip Sunday to return home after suffering injuries during an early-morning bicycling accident near this Swiss city.

A spokesman said Kerry, 71, broke his right femur, near the site of prior hip replacement surgery, a portion of his face, near the site of prior cosmetic surgery and suffered deep trauma wounds to his genitalia, which may be attributable to a recent round of negotiations in Turkey. No one else was involved in the accident, which occurred when Kerry hit a curb with his bicycle.

As the injuries are deemed as occurring in service to the country, Kerry has awarded himself three additional Purple Heart medals, bringing his total count to a world record 26.

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10 responses to “Secretary Of State John F Kerry Injured In Cycling Accident – Rotates Back To The States Again

  1. Mizdoolally@gmail.com May 31, 2015 at 11:50 am

    You are about the only person who can really make me laugh these days! That “yo-de-lay-de-O” is a gift that really keeps giving!

  2. proofpositiveblog May 31, 2015 at 12:05 pm

    I hear he awarded himself a fourth Purple Heart on the plane back.

  3. 1madjack June 1, 2015 at 8:36 am

    This is deserving of at least a half dozen more purple hearts. I mean this guy has sacrificed so much for so long for America. Earl most excellent work and reporting as usual. Diogenes just doesn’t realize what a true gem you are. ;)

    Too bad the dumbass didn’t break his neck.

  4. Scooter Van Neuter June 1, 2015 at 2:47 pm

    Excellent! This would be hilarious if it weren’t likely true :)

  5. Ted Zaborski June 2, 2015 at 7:29 am

    Too bad he didn’t land on his mouth. We wouldn’t have to listen to his shazit.

  6. papabear1950 June 3, 2015 at 12:12 am

    Photo looks like what Samson used to kill 1000 men, the jawbone of an ass!

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