Monthly Archives: May 2015
by Earl of Taint/ MFNS
GENEVA/Yo-de-lay-ee-oh! — Secretariat of State John F. Kerry cut short a scheduled week-long overseas trip Sunday to return home after suffering injuries during an early-morning bicycling accident near this Swiss city.
A spokesman said Kerry, 71, broke his right femur, near the site of prior hip replacement surgery, a portion of his face, near the site of prior cosmetic surgery and suffered deep trauma wounds to his genitalia, which may be attributable to a recent round of negotiations in Turkey. No one else was involved in the accident, which occurred when Kerry hit a curb with his bicycle.
As the injuries are deemed as occurring in service to the country, Kerry has awarded himself three additional Purple Heart medals, bringing his total count to a world record 26.
It’s an honest mistake. Both rip into the watercress face first. In the water they’re identical. Out of the water, well one has a paddle tail and the other has a big giant splitter.
In a rare show of fairness, I decided to post the original photo from which the post below was derived. You’ll notice that Boehner and McConnell are nowhere to be seen. I added them through a rather crude form of photo manipulation known popularly as “Photoshop”. Yes I did. Note that the character lying prone on the carpet is not Mitch McConnell, but a young child who reportedly informed the First (ahem) Lady that she would not eat the broccoli rabe/quinoa & corn smut appetizer “not ever EVER!”, triggering an impulsive right jab and swinging head kick from FLOTUS that knocked the child insensible. Mrs Obama claims she overheard the child telling her mother that a ‘big nasty gorilla is trying to make me eat her poo-poo!’, which caused a snap reaction and momentary loss of self-control. That and the steroids. The child is resting comfortably and is expected to make a full recovery within 8-10 years.
For the record, that is what actually happened, my original post was all made up.
A real shame. I was never much into being a Boy Scout, myself. I was in Cub Scouts until I was 10 or 11.Then I started scouting girls.
Another one based on an idear from faithful reader Come And Take It. Cool stuff over there, btw. He’s making 3D Printers, the machines that print 3D objects from digital files. He’s a real go-getter. Makes me feel ashamed, like most highly productive people do. Lazy Shaming, it’s a microaggression, yep. Just like our poor little Ms Moose, who has endured them her entire deprived and disadvantaged life.