MFNS/ March 31, 2015
Lausanne, Switzerland
Secretary of State John Kerry was pulled out of the Iranian nuclear negotiations on a stretcher today after he was reportedly “bitch-slapped” severely by the Iranian delegation and then de-pantsed. Additionally, his latest injuries mark his third time to be wounded in-theater*, earning him his (world record) sixth self-awarded Purple Heart and a golden ticket back to the States.
Reached by phone aboard his luxury yacht, Teresa’s Purse, Secretary Kerry granted us a few moments during a break from his grueling course of convalescence. “I owe it all to my Good Luck Hat.”, he said, grunting in pain. “CIA guy gave it to me in Cambodia…and it’s never let me down**. It got me out of ‘Nam and now Switzerland. It’s like magic.”
Earlier Today – All Hat And No Cambodia
*paper cut, atomic wedgie
**2004 does not count. The Magic Hat only gets him out of things.
He erased a tape. She wiped a hard drive. He didn’t get away with it…but then he wasn’t a Democrat. We’ll see about her.
But That Would Be Plagiarism
Oops, too late. Sorry.
She was somebody’s cute little baby once.
Regular viewers know that I enjoy keeping up with Michelle Obama’s travels to exotic locations on my dime when I can barely afford a weekend at the beach. Each trip, I try to use my considerable influence as a semi-professional journalist to wrangle a few candid, unreleased press pool photos of the First Lady’s activities for the exclusive enjoyment of my readers.
Unfortunately, I was unavoidably delayed from coverage of her trip to Japan. But I was able to bring you these latest shots from her time in Cambodia. The girls and the First Lady Of The United States In Law, Mrs Marian Robertson, stayed on the plane.
FLOTUSIL
OK, the pictures:
Here FLOTUS picks up the First Lady of Cambodia, whatever her name is. And shut up, you couldn’t pronounce it anyway.
They wade over to the amazing temple at Angkor Wat. FLOTUS is on the far left.
The elephant rides were all broken that day
Asking directions to rest rooms and snack bar. The monks broke their vow of silence with the screaming.
Buddha’s Revenge sends her running
BTW – I photoshopped the Hostess Cupcakes, the rest is all original picture. I did NOT ‘shop dat ass up. That’s the real deal Neal. Good luck losing the visual and I am sorry.
FEMA Dickweeds to unilaterally deny federal disaster aid to states whose governors refuse to drink the federal climate change koolaid. So says this scrupulously ethical and unimpeachably honest source.
The world’s going looney tunes…
Israel’s just been in the news lately.
Much Love to Curmudgeon at Political Clown Parade. I Am Honored, Madam.
A Fellow Texan Who Loves German Shepherds, Like Me
A Tremendous Honor from the Mothership
My Media Credentials
