Monthly Archives: March 2015

Kerry Sustains Third Wound In Switzerland – Automatically Rotated Back To The U.S.

MFNS/ March 31, 2015

Lausanne, Switzerland

Secretary of State John Kerry was pulled out of the Iranian nuclear negotiations on a stretcher today after he was reportedly “bitch-slapped” severely by the Iranian delegation and then de-pantsed. Additionally, his latest injuries mark his third time to be wounded in-theater*, earning him his (world record) sixth self-awarded Purple Heart and a golden ticket back to the States.

Reached by phone aboard his luxury yacht, Teresa’s Purse, Secretary Kerry granted us a few moments during a break from his grueling course of convalescence. “I owe it all to my Good Luck Hat.”, he said, grunting in pain. “CIA guy gave it to me in Cambodia…and it’s never let me down**. It got me out of ‘Nam and now Switzerland. It’s like magic.”

Earlier Today - All Hat And No Cambodia

Earlier Today – All Hat And No Cambodia

*paper cut, atomic wedgie

**2004 does not count. The Magic Hat only gets him out of things.

A Good Riddance To Monday Evening

I've hated you all day

Hello Monday. I hated you all day.


Those Who Fail To Learn From History Will Be Screwed When Caught Red-Handed

He erased a tape. She wiped a hard drive. He didn’t get away with it…but then he wasn’t a Democrat. We’ll see about her.


Server? What Server?

what server

Here Comes Barry Rottenfail

seester bunny

Obama Accuses Bibi Of Using “Divisive” Campaign Rhetoric To Rally Voters

Use His Own Words Against Him

But That Would Be Plagiarism

Trigger Warning!

Oops, too late. Sorry.

She was somebody's cute little baby once,

She was somebody’s cute little baby once.


If You Were Hoping They’d Be Fair This Time

Travels With FLOTUS

Regular viewers know that I enjoy keeping up with Michelle Obama’s travels to exotic locations on my dime when I can barely afford a weekend at the beach. Each trip, I try to use my considerable influence as a semi-professional journalist to wrangle a few candid, unreleased press pool photos of the First Lady’s activities for the exclusive enjoyment of my readers.

Unfortunately, I was unavoidably delayed from coverage of her trip to Japan. But I was able to bring you these latest shots from her time in Cambodia. The girls and the First Lady Of The United States In Law, Mrs Marian Robertson, stayed on the plane.



OK, the pictures:

Here FLOTUS picks up the First Lady of Cambodia, whatever her name is.

Here FLOTUS picks up the First Lady of Cambodia, whatever her name is. And shut up, you couldn’t pronounce it anyway.

They wade over to historical masterpiece Angkor Wat. FLOTUS is on the left.

They wade over to the amazing temple at Angkor Wat. FLOTUS is on the far left.

The elephants were all broken that day

The elephant rides were all broken that day

Asking directions to rest rooms and snack bar. The monks broke their vow of silence.

Asking directions to rest rooms and snack bar. The monks broke their vow of silence with the screaming.

Buddha's Revenge

Buddha’s Revenge sends her running

BTW – I photoshopped the Hostess Cupcakes, the rest is all original picture. I did NOT ‘shop dat ass up. That’s the real deal Neal. Good luck losing the visual and I am sorry.


Shaky Joe

I pretty much suck at making gifs.


OK, Can Us Citizens Unilaterally Stop Paying Federal Taxes?

FEMA Dickweeds to unilaterally deny federal disaster aid to states whose governors refuse to drink the federal climate change koolaid. So says this scrupulously ethical and unimpeachably honest source.

The world’s going looney tunes…


This Works Just As Well With An American Flag

Israel’s just been in the news lately.

got your back