MFNS WORLD HQS – SHREVEPOTE, LOOZIANNA/ January 31, 2015
– Earl of Taint/ MFNS
Middle Finger News Service, LLC (MFNS) one of the world’s largest and most admired media conglomerates announced today the addition of a new science reality show to their spring prime time cable lineup. Hosted by Vice President Joe Biden, each hour long episode will demonstrate the laws of nature as they impact our lives in everyday situations. Appearing as “Uncle Joe”, the ever-affable and proto-clueless Biden had previewers rolling in the aisles as he explains basic forces like gravity, resistance, fluid dynamics, energy/friction/heat and the physics of maple syrup in the context of walking, hitting your head, hair restoration and swimming naked with the grandkids.
**(UPDATE) We were able to meet for a brief moment with MFNS founder and CEO, Diogenes Sarcastica as she was vacuuming-up the piles of cash scattered over the plush alpaca wool carpeting of her showcase office suite atop MFNS Tower. Awarded the title “World’s Hottest Founder And CEO” for the 2nd year in a row by the peer-reviewed scholarly journal “Hot Founder And CEO Quarterly”, as published by The Taint Collective for the Study of Hotness in Founders and CEOs, the stunning Ms Sarcastica denied any acquaintance with us, refused to speak to us about the show, berated us for drooling on her carpet and money, then had us roughly escorted from the building by her personal security team. Phone calls to her office have not been returned.
***(UPDATED UPDATE) While this would normally wound us deeply, we feel certain it is just a matter of mistaken identity. Once we convince the boss we are who we say we are, we have no doubt she’ll ask us in for coffee and
baguettes bigenets bagnuts those little powdered donuts. Not that we’re needy here but this is kind of embarrassing. A little affirmation and approval, that’s all we ask. Répondez s’il vous plaît?