(MFNS CHINA) We were all setup and ready to get pictures of FLOTUS as she came into town for lunch but the smog became really thick, obscuring our view. We hung out a few hours waiting for her to finish but the visibility was still so poor, we knew it was pointless to even try to get a shot. Then a major sewer line broke.
We report this not because we have official confirmation of the facts but the foul stench was so immediate and overwhelming, there could be no other rational possibility of its source. As of this writing 7 persons have required hospitalization and dozens of other have been treated at the scene. Injuries include scorched lungs, chemically-peeled sinuses and temporary blindness, though the majority of victims complain only of intense nausea and an extreme aversion to ever eating food again.
At this time, Chinese officials have not ruled out terrorism and the investigation is ongoing. US officials assure us FLOTUS was never in any danger though some members of her Secret Service detail were reportedly found passed out in the restaurant, just now.