Monthly Archives: September 2013
It’s An Obamanation!
Or, maybe she just got humiliated – right out there on the World Stage/ International Arena/ In Front Of Everybody.
A mysterious gas released during today’s memorial service for the Navy Yard victims has hospitalized dozens of people exposed to the noxious substance. Witnesses on the scene reported a stench so foul that it was difficult to breathe before it dispersed, approximately 12 minutes after it was first emitted. Police have yet to identify the source of the gas, stating they cannot rule out terrorism at this point.
Eyewitness Vernon Van Dinkleberg gives this exclusive statement to MFNS: “Oh it was terrible, just the worst rotten ass kind of smell you could imagine. It was extremely sharp like acid. It burned my eyes, honestly. The odor was a combination of salsa picante, fried okra and raw sewage. The Devil’s own aftershave. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go burn these clothes.”
Security was already high at today’s service due to the presence of President and Mrs Obama, both of whom were completely unharmed. The President did appear a bit teary-eyed at one point in the service but the White House attributed that to heartfelt grief not a chemical burn.
In the collage below, President Barack Obama is focusing on something important. What is it?
- A) The Middle Class
- B) The Economy
- C) Jobs
- D) Middle Class Jobs
- E) Barack Obama
- F) Fucking Off
- G) All Of The Above
- H) None Of The Above
- I) A-B-C-D And Republicans Are Racist Assholes
- J) E-F And He’s A Weak Whiny Lying Fembot Of A Man
“The fact that we are here today to debate raising America’s debt limit is a sign of leadership failure. It is a Sign that the US Government cannot pay its own bills. It is a sign that we now depend on ongoing financial assistance from foreign countries to finance our Government’s reckless fiscal policies. …Increasing America’s debt weakens us domestically and internationally. Leadership means that ‘the buck stops here’. Instead, Washington is shifting the burden of bad choices today onto the backs of our children and Grandchildren. America has a debt problem and a failure of leadership. Americans deserve better*.”
SENATOR BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA, MARCH 2006
* (Well we used to anyway.)