Honors I’ve Received From Nice People:
Thank You Cousin!
Posing here as feminist author/activist Liz Erd, noted Innertubes Overseer and Certified Cherfan Charles Johnson takes a break from manufacturing outrage to cop a hug from the Megastar. Cher was in town to attend a banquet held in her honor as national spokesperson for The American Brain Donors Association. Johnson was working undercover as a Ladies’ Room Attendant.
In a stunning development, US Representative Nancy Pelosi of California, Minority Leader and former Speaker of the House has apparently been killed and eaten by a Grizzly Bear tonight near her Georgetown home. Details are sketchy but it is believed that Ms Pelosi is the victim of a savage and bizarre attack and that she was entirely consumed by the bear.
Law enforcement and wildlife personnel have identified the killer bear and are waiting on the digestive process to examine the scat or bear droppings for DNA evidence that could positively identify the remains.
UPDATE: PELOSI DEATH BY BEAR CONFIRMED (Warning – Graphic Photo)
Wildlife and Forensic personnel confirm the victim of last night’s Bear Eating was indeed US Rep Nancy Pelosi. Searchers were able to examine the Bear’s morning droppings shortly after excretion. State College Wildlife Biology Professor Dr Brad Schnif explains their findings:
“We came upon the scat shortly after the bear had left it. The excrement itself was watery and thin, indicative of intestinal distress – most likely brought on by the consumption of an entire Bitter Old Leftist Hag the night before. That and the presence of massive amounts of Botulism in every bit of tissue we sampled. The lab work wasn’t required for a positive identification of the victim. We have no doubt it was Speaker Pelosi as her face was passed intact. Clearly it was so toxic as to be left indigestible.”